Top Ten: Andy

Just because I was thinking about him the other day on a run, and how great he is, here are ten things I love about my bestie, Andy. This is not an exhaustive list, and it is presented in no particular order.

1. He is a man of action.

Andy has always been good at getting himself into a better situation, when he finds himself in a crap one that would have other people crawling into bed and never getting out. In Year 9 we both got jobs at the new McDonald’s in Charnwood. I learnt drive-thru and he learnt filet-o’-fish. One night he had a special order for one without the tartare sauce, and even though there are only two other ingredients, he had to make it three times to get it right. I was similarly terrible in my position, constantly in trouble for not asking if anyone wanted fries with that, but unlike me who was too lazy to get out for FOUR YEARS, Andy removed himself to the far more elite job of candy bar at Hoyts, at which he excelled.

2. He tells it like it is, but not as an excuse for being a bitch.

Andy won’t hesitate to tell you if you’re being crap, in a friendly, “I don’t know if you realise, but you’re usually a nice person and right now you’re not being one,” kind of way. I think part of the reason I think so much about my friends and how my actions might affect them is because Andy has encouraged it. Friends are important, and being a good friend is really important. Andy taught me that.

3. He is basically like Jesus.

The flip side to #2 is that Andy forgives you as quickly as he calls you out on your crap behaviour. Andy has forgiven me many crap things, some of which I struggled to forgive myself for, including getting us into a car accident when I completely missed a give way sign on Northbourne Avenue, and also breaking our pinkie promise to never fall for the same boys, more than once. Lesser people would have given up on me, but not Andy. He’s like the brother I never had, and bros before hoes and all.

3. He shares.

Andy always wants to share his loves with the people he loves. He wants everyone to understand Buffy, because Buffy got him through high school. He wants everyone to read his favourite books, because they are wonderful and will make you happy and wise. He wanted me to read 100 Years of Solitude so much he bought it for me two birthdays in a row. Some people are stingy about the great things in life, not wanting them to be ruined by becoming too popular, but Andy is generous with all of his favourite things.

4. He dances.

Andy is a great dancer. Want to dirty dance to Salt N Pepa at 11pm? Andy’s your guy. Want to do an interpretive number to Moby at 3am? Give Andy a call. Andy dances the way people should live.

5. He’s a party boy.

Related to #4, Andy is a super fun party-goer. He has moved on from carrying his Bundy around in a black gym bag (my mum, circa 1998: “Why does Andy always take that enormous bag to parties?!”) but if you need someone to get the party started, call Andy.

6. He’s funny.

Andy is really, really funny. For his birthday the year we met, in Mr Lissaman’s Year 8 drama class, I bought him a copy of the Mr Happy book, I can’t remember why, must have been an in-joke of some kind. Andy said, “That’s the queerest circle I’ve ever seen.” In hindsight that might have been Andy waving his little rainbow flag in my face, but I just thought he was funny.

7. His hair.

Andy’s hair is a feat of evolution. When we met we were both 13 and he had a magical bowl cut of straight blond hair that shone in the sunlight. He went through a bleaching phase in college, including one incident when we decided to pass the time away drinking and forgot to rinse it out. Note to all the kids: RINSE OUT THE BLEACH. Andy has always had more hair products than me, and it shows.

8. He’s a good flatmate.

Our friends told us it was a mistake to move in together. They were wrong. We were already so in tune when I moved in that I remember it feeling very natural. We’d been inseparable for years and already agreed on TV, movies, music and food. Andy had been living out of home for a while by then and had the whole responsible adult thing down pat, even if that meant some weeks he lived on toast because he’d spent most of his pay packet on jeans. So he taught me a lot about living out of home. It was so nice to come home to a true friend, rather than just a flatmate, and stay up late debriefing or studying or watching silly things on TV eating ice cream. He also makes a mean beef stroganoff, and shares wine.

9. He’s gay.

Every girl needs a gay best friend, according to today’s pop culture, and I’m so glad Andy is mine. He doesn’t give me sex advice anymore (I guess he figures now I’ve got a baby either I’ve got that sh*t sorted, or it’s a moot point), but we do go shopping most times we’re together and we have been to a Kylie concert. Because he’s gay there’s no weirdness about the fact that my best friend is male, and because he’s male the friendship is pretty low maintenance (see #2), which is refreshing. (I should also note that we were friends before I knew he was gay, so there’s no tokenism involved.)

10. He likes Z-grade horror movies as much as me.

Here is an idea of the kind of movies that we like to watch with pizza followed by ice cream.

Title: “Chopping Mall.”

Tagline: “Where shopping costs…an arm and a leg.”

Best line: “I’m sorry I’m so upset. I guess I’m not being used to being chased through the mall by killer robots.”

And in case you’re wondering, no one is perfect. The thing I like least about Andy is that he lives in Adelaide.

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